The Karls Family

Our adoption journey started with when I first met Ben 2008 playing rugby (he played for the Minneapolis Mayhem and I played for the Madison Minotaurs).  On our first date Ben shared his desire to be a parent. I was relieved because it has always been very important for me to have children. I moved to Minneapolis in 2009 and we got married in 2010 and 2011 (2010 was a ceremony with family and friends, and in 2011, we got married legally in Iowa). After a year of married life our adoption journey began.

            We actively started searching adoption companies in summer of 2011. However, we were limited to only three agencies in our state due to us being a same sex couple. Ben and I heavily researched the agencies and decided the right agency for our family was Lutheran Social Services. I remember picking the agency was so stressful, but in hindsight, they offered very similar services. It is important to get the feel of the agency and the feeling of the agency was right.  After choosing LSS and turning in our initial application, the paperwork started.  It was very detailed (sometimes intrusive) questions, criminal checks including getting fingerprinted, references and a health history completed by my physician.

            After our application was turned in we had education and the home study. Our adoption education was about adoption sensitivity, networking and conspicuous families. I remember being shocked about my feelings about openness and my attitude toward birth mothers after education. I wasn’t as scared to involve birth moms in our family’s life. Immediately after the education, we got our home study approved because we found a possible adoption situation from networking. For the home study we met with our assigned social worker and met with her at the agency and she then came to our house. The home visit was not as stressful as I thought or imagined (they didn’t go through every nook and cranny of the house).

            So we rushed to get our home study done since we had a possible adoption situation. I remember one of our friends contacted us after learning about our adoption plan and expressed possible interest in adopting.  After months of sporadic communication we found out the mother decided to parent the child. Even though we did not meet the mother. I remember the mom’s due date was tough for Ben and me. This situation did leave us heartbroken.

            After that adoption situation did not happen, we waited to get into our agency’s networking book, and the wait was ten months. We created a website, a facebook page, and free profiles in adoption sites. In the meantime, we networked so we could have some control over our adoption situation.  Over the months we got some non-serious inquiries (communication was about one or two correspondences) about birth moms wanting to create an adoption plan.

            By mid-December of 2012, we got invited to join our agencies networking book. Within two days of us being in the book, Ben got a call from our social worker asking if I was with him.  Later that night we called our worker back, and she had a birth mom who was interested in meeting us but wanted to tell us herself.  She was interested in creating an adoption plan with us. We made a meeting with the birth mom who was 8 months pregnant and her two dads (she was adopted when she was 13).  I remember the day we were meeting us we were both were very nervous. I remember thinking what would we talk about, and we brought some photo albums. When we met and started talking, it seemed natural and we got along great.

            After we got matched, we got a chance to know her more. She let Ben and me go to her appointments. At the first appointment, we go to hear our future daughter’s heart beat, and it made us both tear up knowing this was going to happen. Her family had us over for dinner so we could meet all of them, and after dinner we played Dance Central on kinect. I remember our birth mother beating Ben on that game (so the joke is Cordelia beat Ben in a dancing game).  We kept regular contact throughout rest of the pregnancy and we got to go on the hospital tour with our birth mom also.

            On February 3, 2013, the only night my cell phone was on the charger (it is usually next to my bed to wait for the call), Ben and I woke up late with multiple calls from our birth mother and her dads saying she was in labor. Our birth mom wanted us in the delivery room for the delivery of Cordelia (which we are forever thankful for this experience).  We got to the hospital around 10 am, and Cordelia was born at 1:32pm.  Ben got to hold her first, and I cut the umbilical cord.  We were moved to the post delivery area right down the hall from our birth mom. Ben, Cordelia, and I visited the birth mom that night during the Super Bowl half-time show because she was a big Beyoncé fan (and she wanted us to share that experience). Then the next day, it was tough because we didn’t have communication plans in place, so we didn’t want to intrude on the others. Luckily, when her dads came, they broke the ice and brought us coffee and got us together. The rest of the day went smoothly. On February 5^, we had to leave the hospital. It was the toughest, most bittersweet feeling for me to see our birth mom say bye to Cordelia.  However, we did see our birth mom a couple more occasions. She came to Cordelia’s baptism, and we went to her high school graduation and had visits.

What to Expect Adoption would like to thank this family for sharing there story of joy with us! We  wish them nothing but the best of luck as they enter the adoption process once again in hopes to make Cordelia a big sister soon!

The story of Addison

 

 

 

 

Three years ago on Nov 4, 2011, we were waiting at the hospital for the birth of our daughter. I was not the one in the delivery room though. My husband, Adam, and I were anxiously waiting for our birthmother to deliver our daughter, Addison. Let me rewind and start from the beginning.

Adam and I were married July 21, 2001 and started our lives together. We decided to wait five years before trying to start a family. They were wonderful five years and then the heartaches started. In 2007, we started infertility testing because things weren't happening naturally. Four surgeries later and a diagnosis of endometriosis, we still weren't pregnant. But God opened a window and we chose to consider adoption. Through a friend of my moms, we found Adoption By Choice in 2009. It's a nonprofit, Christian adoption agency that works with the Women's Help Center in Erie, PA. We completed our paperwork and homestudy in Feb 2011. And then we received "the call" on Friday, July 15, 2011 and met our birthmother and birthfather on our ten year wedding anniversary (7/21/11). It was God's perfect will for us that we be Addison's parents. We had the opportunity to meet with our birth mother five times prior to Addison's delivery. What a blessing to get to know our birth mother and learn about her likes, memories, and what she wished for this baby. We can honestly say that we fell in love with our birth mother because of her sacrifice and unconditional love for her baby.

So fast forward to the hospital...what an exciting and nerve-wracking experience. And then we got to meet and hold our daughter. The angels in heaven rejoiced that day because we were a family.

Since Addison's birth, we have kept in touch with our birthmother and have met with her on three occasions so she can see Addison. It's a family reunion of sorts and such a blessing for us to have the pictures and memories. Addison was born out of love and to this day, is cherished my two mothers and a father.

The story of opening to Joy

This is the story of our opening to Joy, our 10 month old baby girl.

We have two biological children. Our "plan" was only to have two children. When we miscarried twins, the idea of a bigger family entered our minds and hearts. After the birth of our daughter, we knew that we were not complete as a family. There was room in our hearts for more. God had begun to work in us.

I had always had a desire to adopt. In fact I can't remember I time that I didn't dream about my little adopted daughter. As we grew or own family, adoption took a back seat. For many years I didn't really consider it. As our children for older, I began to ponder the idea again. The desire grew and became too strong to ignore. It took a bit longer for my husband to come around. We took in a girl from Belarus for a month a few years ago. She was 9 and came to the U.S. for much needed health care. We realized very quickly that we would have kept her in a heart beat. It took a few years, but eventually after much prayer, he came to the conclusion that adoption was the right choice for our family.

We started the process in January of 2013. At the time we were unsure whether we should pursue an international or domestic adoption. The process was daunting and difficult. The paperwork was overwhelming at times. We hated feeling like we were "choosing" a child. Deciding what scenarios we were willing to be considered for was a difficult, soul searching process. We prayed a lot. When the choice of having an open or closed adoption was presented, we honestly had no idea how we felt about either one. I read a lot and did my research. It was a scary thought to think of being so open to the birth parents, but God was still doing a work on us.

That summer I spent 3 weeks counseling at two teen camps. It became very clear that God had called me to minister to this age group, and that I had a heart for these hurting youths. I knew then that an open adoption with a teen mom was what I was being drawn to. My husband and I agreed that this was what we thought God was leading us into. Up until this point we had not seen one adoption situation that seemed right for our family. We had become discouraged.

I remember that Monday night in August. We had never prayed and asked the Lord for an open adoption, so on this particular night we did just that. We prayed specifically, requesting a teen mom who we could have a lot of contact with and minister to. Tuesday night we did the same. On Wednesday morning we were greeted with the email that would forever change our lives. It was the one, and we both knew it. A teen mom was looking for an extremely open adoption. She wanted weekly visits and a close relationship with the adoptive family. We were elated!

A few weeks later we were matched with the mom. We developed a bond instantly. We spent time together before our daughter was born and began to love this young woman. We even named our daughter together. It was the first name we suggested that just happened to be the name she had chosen two years prior for her daughter! Our whole family was there at the hospital when she was born. I was able to be in the delivery room the entire time. The birth mom and I often reminisce about that day, as it holds a special place in both of our hearts. Something happened in that room that changed us both. We are now connected by a deep bond and through our beautiful baby girl.

We see each other often, at least once weekly. She is just as much a part of our family as our adopted daughter. We have worked through some pretty tough things together. Our bond continues to grow and we are so excited for the future. Our children love the birth family just as much and are already asking to adopt another sibling.

When we agreed to an open adoption, we had no idea what it would look like. We could not have imagined the blessings that would come from opening our hearts up to not only a child, but to her birth family as well. We now have a blended family who loves this little girl so much. She is thriving and happy and I have no doubt it is because she is loved so much! It is only fitting that her name means " opening to joy ." We are such huge supporters of adoption, and encourage open adoption for those who feel called to it.

What to Expect Adoption would like to thank this family for sharing there story of joy with us.  It is a great example of how open lines of communication came make an open adoption an amazing thing.  This family also has a blog if you would like to read more it is  http://openingtojoy.blogspot.com.

The story of Kya Harper

National Adoption Month is here, and What to Expect Adoption Support is happy to share the store of this adoptive family! Please read below to hear the story of Kya Harper:   Our Adoption Story - I will start by saying, adoption has always been an option for us, so when we struggled to have children on our own, the decision to adopt came easily. I will also tell you, this is truly a God story... Having no idea where to begin, we contacted a local place that places foster children to do our home study. Our social worker was fabulous, but cautioned us that they did not place newborns very often. We prepared to take our home study to an agency. (This process began in July 2009). By October, I was getting anxious, the holidays were around the corner, and we really wanted our baby home for them. After many prayers, God granted us the piece of mind of "just knowing" it would happen. Sure enough on November third as I stood in front of 20 or more 7th graders, the call came...from the place that said they rarely placed newborns . A baby girl was born and being placed for adoption; if we were ready, she was ours. The next two days were a whirlwind...I picked up "it's a girl" balloons on the way home from work to let my parents know they would be getting a new granddaughter, then my sister and I headed to purchase baby stuff. My mom set up a nursery, friends and neighbors dropped off items we would need, and my co-workers put together a baby shower. On the morning of November 6, 2009, our social worker and attorney literally delivered our baby to our front door! Kya Harper, we named her, was the most precious little thing we have ever seen! (And still is). I know all adoption stories do not go this smoothly and that God surely had a hand in this one Our adoption hearing was exactly 3 months later, and it was official! What to Expect Adoption Support would like to thank this family for sharing this story and would like to say Happy 5 year Gotcha Day Anniversary!  Knowing this family on a personal level we have to say the story of their adoption is nothing but a God story. We are happy to say that since the adoption of Kya Harper, the family has since expanded as they welcomed a second child through adoption to complete their family!

Share your story

As we gear up for National Adoption Month we would love to hear your stories! Stories of happiness, joy and even the sorrow of adoption. As we all know adoption is not an easy road and have all needed those words of encouragement at times. So if you have been matched we would love to hear about the joy of finding that out. If you have been placed we would love to hear your stores of that as well. Even if your waiting we would love to hear from you as well to hear about your journey to this point. We are here to support you and each other. So please contact us to share with each other during Nation Adoption Month!

 Also follow us on our facebook and instagram page for encouragement as well.

Adoption Poem

Once there were two expectant mothers.

One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart

She became your Birthmother.

The other carried the hope of you within her.

She became your Mom.

Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after you were born.

Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and Mom met each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.

Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.

Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families.

One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you get:

Your questions answered,

Your boo boo bandaged,

You heartaches soothed,

And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:

Answers to your questions,

Your image in the mirror,

A part of yourself,

And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families

Two different kinds of love

 By author unknown

Partnership

We are beyond excited to be partnering with the amazing group Blessings in A Basket ! This partnership will be THE FIRST of its kind in Co-Adoption Education for birthmothers and adoptive families!  The movement is starting here and we are over the moon excited!  Or goal is to help, support and guide you on your journey no matter what stage you are in the process!

What is so great about us working in conjunction with each other is we feel the same about the way adoption should look.  BIB is coming from the birth mother side and What to Expect Adoptions is coming from the adoptive family side.  We are working together to get a program together to help both sides move through adoptive and work out the tough details before placement to try to avoid issues down the road. 



We are beyond amazed at the support we have received in the past couple of days since launching this site and our facebook page.  We hope that the community we have established so far continues to grow and we can be a support to each other on so many levels. 

We hope to have many more great announcements to come!

What to Expect Adoption Support Team!

Welcome

The excitement that we have to be writing this welcome post is beyond overwhelming!  The starting of support group is something we, Melinda and Megan, have talked about for months!  It is like seeing a long time dream come true and the thoughts of meeting and helping other's in the adoption community is so exciting for us both.

We need to start off by saying we are in NO way professionals and don't claim to be.  We are two adoptive mother's who have waited and hoped for the "call" to come, and have been down the journey of adoption resulting in the wonderful miracle of our sons. We understand first hand that the road of adoption can be a very emotional, frustrating and scary time.  At times you can feel you have no one to turn to who can be honest or understand how you feel, or the emotions you are going through...that is where we come in.  

For both of us the only place we found honest truthful answers were from other adoptive families.  We are in no way saying an agency lies to you; but that unless they have walked in the shoes we all have, we don't feel the agencies can understand how your truly feel and give you first hand, truthful answers to how you are going to feel during your journey. We will guide you and support you during this journey no matter what stage you are in. We will be there to help you through the before placement, at placement and after!

We promise to be honest and truthful with you about the things we have learned along the way. We want to pay it forward because it is the only way we know how to repay what has been give to us both, the amazing gift of life.

We have SO many amazing things in the works and partnerships we hope to make along the way.  We look forward to becoming part of your life and adoption journey as well.

Please make sure to check back soon, we will be showcasing our support webinars and the calendar of topics soon for you all to join in on for free! Until then, if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to us via email at:whattoexpectadoption@gmail.com

- Melinda & Megan

What To Expect - Adoption Support