The Karls Family

Our adoption journey started with when I first met Ben 2008 playing rugby (he played for the Minneapolis Mayhem and I played for the Madison Minotaurs).  On our first date Ben shared his desire to be a parent. I was relieved because it has always been very important for me to have children. I moved to Minneapolis in 2009 and we got married in 2010 and 2011 (2010 was a ceremony with family and friends, and in 2011, we got married legally in Iowa). After a year of married life our adoption journey began.

            We actively started searching adoption companies in summer of 2011. However, we were limited to only three agencies in our state due to us being a same sex couple. Ben and I heavily researched the agencies and decided the right agency for our family was Lutheran Social Services. I remember picking the agency was so stressful, but in hindsight, they offered very similar services. It is important to get the feel of the agency and the feeling of the agency was right.  After choosing LSS and turning in our initial application, the paperwork started.  It was very detailed (sometimes intrusive) questions, criminal checks including getting fingerprinted, references and a health history completed by my physician.

            After our application was turned in we had education and the home study. Our adoption education was about adoption sensitivity, networking and conspicuous families. I remember being shocked about my feelings about openness and my attitude toward birth mothers after education. I wasn’t as scared to involve birth moms in our family’s life. Immediately after the education, we got our home study approved because we found a possible adoption situation from networking. For the home study we met with our assigned social worker and met with her at the agency and she then came to our house. The home visit was not as stressful as I thought or imagined (they didn’t go through every nook and cranny of the house).

            So we rushed to get our home study done since we had a possible adoption situation. I remember one of our friends contacted us after learning about our adoption plan and expressed possible interest in adopting.  After months of sporadic communication we found out the mother decided to parent the child. Even though we did not meet the mother. I remember the mom’s due date was tough for Ben and me. This situation did leave us heartbroken.

            After that adoption situation did not happen, we waited to get into our agency’s networking book, and the wait was ten months. We created a website, a facebook page, and free profiles in adoption sites. In the meantime, we networked so we could have some control over our adoption situation.  Over the months we got some non-serious inquiries (communication was about one or two correspondences) about birth moms wanting to create an adoption plan.

            By mid-December of 2012, we got invited to join our agencies networking book. Within two days of us being in the book, Ben got a call from our social worker asking if I was with him.  Later that night we called our worker back, and she had a birth mom who was interested in meeting us but wanted to tell us herself.  She was interested in creating an adoption plan with us. We made a meeting with the birth mom who was 8 months pregnant and her two dads (she was adopted when she was 13).  I remember the day we were meeting us we were both were very nervous. I remember thinking what would we talk about, and we brought some photo albums. When we met and started talking, it seemed natural and we got along great.

            After we got matched, we got a chance to know her more. She let Ben and me go to her appointments. At the first appointment, we go to hear our future daughter’s heart beat, and it made us both tear up knowing this was going to happen. Her family had us over for dinner so we could meet all of them, and after dinner we played Dance Central on kinect. I remember our birth mother beating Ben on that game (so the joke is Cordelia beat Ben in a dancing game).  We kept regular contact throughout rest of the pregnancy and we got to go on the hospital tour with our birth mom also.

            On February 3, 2013, the only night my cell phone was on the charger (it is usually next to my bed to wait for the call), Ben and I woke up late with multiple calls from our birth mother and her dads saying she was in labor. Our birth mom wanted us in the delivery room for the delivery of Cordelia (which we are forever thankful for this experience).  We got to the hospital around 10 am, and Cordelia was born at 1:32pm.  Ben got to hold her first, and I cut the umbilical cord.  We were moved to the post delivery area right down the hall from our birth mom. Ben, Cordelia, and I visited the birth mom that night during the Super Bowl half-time show because she was a big Beyoncé fan (and she wanted us to share that experience). Then the next day, it was tough because we didn’t have communication plans in place, so we didn’t want to intrude on the others. Luckily, when her dads came, they broke the ice and brought us coffee and got us together. The rest of the day went smoothly. On February 5^, we had to leave the hospital. It was the toughest, most bittersweet feeling for me to see our birth mom say bye to Cordelia.  However, we did see our birth mom a couple more occasions. She came to Cordelia’s baptism, and we went to her high school graduation and had visits.

What to Expect Adoption would like to thank this family for sharing there story of joy with us! We  wish them nothing but the best of luck as they enter the adoption process once again in hopes to make Cordelia a big sister soon!